Dating and HIV

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I wrote this not to educate people on the topic of HIV, but to reflect on the way we see and treat people who are living with HIV. 

 

Cisco

 

“I’ve got something to tell you” he said to me as his smooth beautiful chocolate face looked away from me.  I could see tears in the corners of his eyes.  His strong hands clenched and his thick biceps twitched under his tight fitting T-shirt. At that moment I knew what he was about to tell me.  I don’t know I could just feel it in my chest.  Everything seemed to slow down around me and for a minute, everything stopped.  I knew what his next three words would be: “I’m HIV positive.”  My heart sank in my chest and my vision blurred from the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t know what to say.  I had never heard anyone I was dating tell me they were HIV positive. So many thoughts went through my head at that moment- “How could such a beautiful man be infected with such a horrible disease?  How long does he have to live?   How did he get it? No wonder why he kept avoiding sex with me.”

With all these thoughts going through my head I couldn’t get one word out my mouth.  All I could do is put my arms around his massive shoulders and cry on his D&G T-shirt.  We sat there for what seemed like an hour as he comforted me.  I felt like I had already lost him to the virus yet he was sitting there alive and well, comforting me, trying to make me understand his situation and the circumstances under which he contracted the disease.  He told me he was extremely healthy and not on any medications as of now.  He explained to me that he keeps himself in immaculate physical condition, which was apparent by his amazingly chiseled physique.   He told me he contracted it six years ago from his ex who was sleeping around behind his back.  As he explained, I felt like he was dying right in front of me like a strong thick tree would wither without water or sunlight.

"So many questions in my head,'How could this happen to such a good person?' 'How could I continue to date this guy?"

  As I pulled myself together I prepared to face the endless sea of family members celebrating my birthday just outside the bedroom doors.  I walked out as if nothing had happened and put a smile on so as to not arouse any suspicion from my mom who happily placed the candles on my 26th birthday cake.  As the day stretched on, I continued to keep on my “happy face” and act like nothing was wrong.  So many questions in my head- “How could such a beautiful person be ruined like this. How could this happen to such a good person? How could I continue to date this guy?”  I’m a modern gay man. I consider myself educated on the topic of HIV.  In college I took a course and even got certified to teach HIV prevention to Latinos.   None of this could prepare me for what Anthony had just told me.  HIV was always something the “other” person had.  I even had friends that contracted the disease, people I cared very much for, but never anyone I was romantically involved and saw a future with.

Anthony and I had been dating for the last month or so, talking on the phone quite a bit and enjoying the budding of a potential relationship.  I think it was his gleaming white smile that got me along with his kind heart.  He would look at me with stars in his eyes and make me feel like the only one.  When he kissed me it was with passion and adoration.  I could feel that radiating between our bodies, even with our clothes on.   It felt almost too good to be true.  I guess that’s why I expected him to say what he did when he took me into the bedroom that hot summer afternoon to tell me he was Positive.  

As I look back now, I am thankful Anthony was honest with me and cared enough about me to tell me his status before we had sex.  Although we would have used a condom regardless, he cared enough about me to let me know his status and leave the decision up to me weather I wanted to still have sex with him or not.  We did have sex, good sex, protected of course and continued to date for about a year.  

During that time, I learned so much from him.  At first it was hard.  When I looked at him, his HIV status was the first thing that popped into my head.  When I would hear his voice on my cell phone his status was the first thing I’d think of.  Over time, however, his amazing personality replaced the initial fear I had.  In time, when I saw him or heard from him, I wouldn’t think of HIV but of his pretty smile. His radiant personality and positive spirit reassured me that he wasn’t going to die tomorrow and that contracting HIV isn’t an automatic death sentence.  He also taught me that two people of different HIV status can date and have an intimate relationship with one another.  Things didn’t work out between the two of us but it wasn’t because of his HIV status.  To this day my HIV status is still negative because we protected ourselves and used a condom.   In the end, I’m glad I didn’t freak out and break the whole relationship off.  I would have missed out on an incredible person.

 

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Summer has officially given way to Fall.  If you're anything like me, you will soon be missing the warm summer days as winter creeps up on us.  Here is one last tribute to Summer 08 with Cisco and Quest's Malibu shoot.  Photos by Tommy Wu.                                          

 

 

 

 

 

 

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1. Live Your Life- T.I. Featuring Rhianna

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6. Official Girl- Cassie ft. Lil Wayne

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Coming Soon: The Folsom Street Fair

 

 

Exclusive YOCISCO.com photos and videos from the Folsom Street Fair.  The Fair is held the last weekend in September and celebrated 25 years in existance. It attracs over 400,000 people and is California's third largest spectator event.  It seems almost every fetish was represented from S&M to leather, twinks to bears, straight and gay festival-goers took to the streets of San Francisco to celebrate diversity and explore their kinky side, with all proceeds going to benefit local charities.

Find out what Cisco discovered his fetish is!