Is There Hope For Me Yet?
I was told that if a guy go out and play in the “bushes”, bookstores, bathhouses, bars, and or clubs isn’t relationship material. Is this true, because I would like to give up playing in the “bushes” and want to be in a committed relationship, because I stated that I will be 40 in 7 years, and I do not want to be doing that forever and catch a VD, get in trouble with the law, and last, have to fight off stupid people who want to harm to me.
Someone told me that I might be damaged goods, and can’t be in a relationship because of I was going out and sticking my “manhood” in every hole that is willing. and, that I am not relationship material, because I do not know how to commit to one person. I am scared of getting hurt. I have seen relationships with other black gay men and some of them crashed and burned, and I do not want to end up that way. Also, when I came out at the age of 21 without a mentor to show me what to do and not what to do, I was told that if I get into a relationship, it would be like prison. I can't go and hang out with my friends, can't look at other people, and last, it's like having a ball and chain around the ankle. and I was running away from relationships like the plague. And now I wish I was in one. What the hell wrong with me? and to end, I run to the "losers" and away from the ones that are positive thinking, acting, kind, and Godly. To end, I heard someone say that once a guy is labeled a hoe, no one would want him after they find out what I was doing sexually with other men. I get tested every 6 months for Sexually Transmitted Disease’s which the tests comes back clean and I am always safe when comes to sex with other people.
I am pretty much hurt by what this person said to me. Am I “damaged goods”? Or do I have a shot at love and romance in a committed relationship? I do not to be lonely and alone at the age of 60, because I picture myself paying a young guy to be with.
There is hope for you!
First of all, don’t let anyone call you damaged goods. If you believe that, then you will attract the type of men that will treat you poorly. You should first be glad that your sexual past didn’t end up with a life long STD or HIV. For that, be glad your goods are truly undamaged.
Yes, we all get labels. Your boy Cisco was extremely promiscuous when I first came out and was even labeled, a “ho” at one point. Once the label is stuck, you can shake it but you have to change your promiscuous ways if you don’t want to be labeled as such. If you are looking for a relationship, you have to be ready to commit to one person. It can be scary and there is always a chance you are going to get hurt. Nothing is guaranteed in this life but if you are too scared to ever take a chance you will never know. You can’t let people hurt you to the point you lose hope in ever finding love. In your case, you haven’t even tried.
In my opinion, you did it the right way. At a young age, you got the promiscuity out of the way early, sewed your oats so to speak. Now that you are older, you are ready to settle down and be serious with one person. To me, that’s not damaged your ripe for the relationship picking. That’s only if you really want it!
Hope this helps and never give up on love
CISCO